Your Questions About Living With An Alcoholic Boyfriend
Betty asks…
looking for relationship advice..living with an alcoholic?
I’ve lived with a man 37 year old man for the last 5 years. We bought a house 3 years ago, and have a little dog. I am to a point where I no longer want to put up with it. I think the final straw was the other day, it was my birthday, and I came home to find him drunk. We were supposed to go out to dinner to celebrate, but I refuse to go out with him when he is drinking. It is now 30 days out of 31 in a month that he drinks til he’s drunk. I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of asking him to leave for a month, stay with a friend, see about getting help for his drinking..and if he doesn’t then at least I will have had a chance to get the house in order to put it on the market. Anyone have any advice? I’m really needing some good advice on the best way to handle this..financially, emotionally, etc. Don’t need the “you go girl” comments, just need the “this is the best way to approach this” comments. Thanks in advance..really! We aren’t married, but everything is joint.
Dr. Uhr answers:
Your boyfriend has a serious disease ; alcoholism. You have already begun the roller coaster ride of frequent disappointments. If he suffers the consequence of your relationhsip ending, it is a strong message to him to get help to quit drinking. Right now you are living with an alcoholic boyfriend. His main relationship is with alcohol, not you. You are way down his list of priorities. As his disease progresses, your relationship will go downhill.
You are at a crossroads. You can choose NOW to not go on to have an alcoholic spouse. You are not married and do not have children. You can “cut loose” of this shattered relationship (I am not saying it will be easy). Go to Al-Anon and listen to people who actually have an alcoholic spouse. It is a miserable situation. I think this will help you make a good decision. If your alcoholic boyfriend is able to get a year of sobriety under his belt, you may have a shot of a better relationship with him down the road.
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